my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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