Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone came in the potted fern
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
