I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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