Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
