I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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