Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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