He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
