It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
