walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
