I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
