oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
