shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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