Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
