I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
