My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
