I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pants are for mortals
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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