God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I could fuck to npr.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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