i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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