youre lurking in front of me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
