By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
