I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sext me about skeletons
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
