You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
