Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
