Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
