Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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