So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
