You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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