they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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