Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
