it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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