I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
