just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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