its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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