I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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