now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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