I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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