New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
