I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
