So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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