just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
