1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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