i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
