these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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