she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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