is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
