if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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