i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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