Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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