you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
