she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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