Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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