How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
