...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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