It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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