See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
