There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
