Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry my hands just texted you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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