FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
