Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
