Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize