Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
