I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
