You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
