He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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