oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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