Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
