Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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