I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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