I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
