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• (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  You sound pretty unsure about all of this.

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• (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study

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• (845): View more from New York

  i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.

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• (718): View more from New York

  I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms

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