Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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