today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize