I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
