can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
