If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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