i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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