we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
